Just Say No To High School Cliques

withlovearun 2 years ago

Thanks for sharing.... Good information,well presented... I will bookmark this great article for student counsiling

spirituality 2 years ago

I hope a LOT of kids in highschool read it, it may help a few see their situation. though of course their insecurity is what they're supposed to be feeling - it's what everyone feels at that age (yes, even the 'incrowd').

stlgy90 2 years ago

I was never in the "popular cliques" in my high school years...was a "non cliquer" myself...but now, after almost 20 years since graduating high school, I am the one who has a professional job after studying my tail off in college for my BS and MS and drive a nice car and work out and am buffed now and have the former hot looking cheerleader type girls now chasing me ! They never even used to give me a second look in high school. Be glad that you are NOT in the popular cliques...every single former jock and cheerleader in my high school did not do much in their lives AFTER graduating high school. I am thankful that I was never in the popular cliques in high school...it made me a better person both inside and outside.

stlgy90 2 years ago

Thanks dawei888. Yes, very true for my High School out in PA where I grew up. I now am a professional and live in NYC now ! Love it too ! I have my 20 year reunion soon. As I have joined FaceBook, I have seen that 99.9% of the "popular clique" people (jocks and cheerleaders) have not had such "spectacular" lives AFTER we all got out of High School. Once they graduated HS, they were all like "fish out of water". They relied on their popularity all through junior high school up through HS graduation. But, once they got out into the "real world", now, it's all within your own control what to do with your life and what you make of it. Well, they were still trying to rely on their "clique network" after HS and as a result, they found out the hard way that once they are out of HS, they are like any other person whose 18 years of age out of HS, be it "popular" or "not popular". Everyone was on a level playing field out of HS in "life". All the cliques don't matter jack once your out of HS. Life is what you make of it for yourself via your hard work and determination and those clique people had everything done for them by their friends, coaches, and parents in some cases throughout their 7th grade to 12th grade years.

I used to be one of the kids in junior high that was picked on and beat up alot just because I looked different from the typical "rednecks" in the small town I grew up in and the fact that I was never in any "clique". I would tell kids today who get picked on that fear not...after 20 years from your HS graduation, those same bullies and jerks who picked on you....will be working for YOU.

stlgy90 2 years ago

Hi dawei888, yes, even in my HS, it's the same thing...the "popular crowd" now in their later 30s, is still trying to "act like" they are still in HS. I will tell you that with my HS, the MAJORITY of these same "popular clique" people are divorced now with small children and had to move back in with their parents due to the financial implications of their divorces. They now find themselves single parents and have very limited or little "dating/social" lives due to their financial situations. I also know of some other former popular people who ended up in the world of alcohol and drug abuse after HS life was over. I have noticed that the more popular the person was (at my school), the worse their lives spun out of control after HS. Sad thing is that they will or are probably teaching or will teach their children about trying to join the same cliques when they reach the junior high school age group. It's a vicious cycle, because even these people's parents were the former "popular cliques" back in their HS days as well.

Every single non-clique person that I have ever known in my HS, all have done very well for themselves in all facets of their lives, work, relationships, family, etc.

stlgy90 2 years ago

Some of my friends who were "non cliquers" as well now have done well for themselves and are professionals or so. Several of them told me of stories where they were back home visiting their folks for the holiday seasons and were eating out at some restaurants and they saw that the same "snobby popular clique" people from their HS years happened to end up waiting on them. It's so ironic isn't it? Yes, I see the same thing on FB as well...these popular people will "Ignore" friend requests from people that were NOT in their clique in HS. What I end up seeing is that these same popular people are not so popular anymore and the cheerleaders are not "all that" anymore in their looks either and I am talking about ones who are still single and have not yet had any children either. Sometimes, I do feel sad for people like them, because HS was about as good as their lives ever got and they are desperate to hold on to those "glory years" of theirs. There is so much more to life than "High School". The recent movie "17 again" touches up a little bit about this issue as well. "Married With Children" used to touch on this issue alot, with Ed O'Neil's character, Al Bundy, for whom, HS was as good as it ever got in life

When I attended my 10 year reunion, one of my close friends (another fellow non-cliquer) told me that he had overheard some of the "popular clique" people there gossiping and they were all commenting how they were surprised that I had actually turned out so successful in life and looked totally different. They all "pigeon holed" me to achieve "x" amount of success only and to look like I did exactly from my HS years...a skinny plain guy back then. They see that I am very buffed now, way more than the former jocks themselves were in their HS days and they were "shocked". I love it ! Makes me want to wear a tank top to my 20 year when it arrives...lol. It's this type of attitude that I laught at with the "clique people". They now see me and they are very jealous and envious because they see someone they felt was "inferior" to themselves (in their HS years) now has "bettered" themselves both in their physical and emotional and intellectual aspects of their lives. I have always been the type of person whereI do what I want and don't care what other people think about it. So, if the "popular people" at my school don't like me for working hard and "bettering myself" in life...too bad for them.

Treva Christiansen 2 years ago

Hello,

I appreciate this site. We read it together. My son,who you would think would fit in by looking at him, is a theater type and very talented. He finds it difficult to develop closer friendships.

This helps! He is a very friendly guy. Wish I could make it better.

Malvond 2 years ago

It's good advice to advise adolescents not to preoccupy themselves with fitting in with certain crowds or with trying to be someone other than who they really are to gain popularity.

But your advice is clearly coming from a narrow and merely personal experience with cliques and popular kids. The kind of clique you present certainly does exist and is the stereotype —it's the kind generally written in movies and television shows— but you are misleading adolescents if you assume that all cliques are mean and exclusive, and if you assume that all cliques who act that way are in fact the popular cliques. Not all popular groups act that way, and not all groups of friends who are cruel and exclusive popular.

Furthermore, after you just spent an article telling adolescents to be themselves and that their worth as a person is much more important than fitting in, you go on to post an image of a typical "popular" crowd and not only discourage wanting to fit in, but directly stereotype the members and imply that they're not worth being friends with. Anyone who won't be friends with you because of your style or your status doesn't deserve your friendship; but by telling us that these people typically are good-looking and athletic and usually superficial and don't bother trying to be friends with them, you're doing exactly what you're complaining that popular kids do.

To the kids (or adults) who want to make themselves and others feel better by saying that popular kids don't make anything of themselves and that the unpopular kids do: don't fool yourselves and mislead others. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't. Popular kids might end up failing in their lives after high school, and so might unpopular kids. It's true that out of high school, particularly in the professional and academic world, brains that didn't get you anywhere socially in high school can make you successful in your adult life, but don't be so shallow as to convince yourself that the popular kids will all be miserable after high school, because a lot of them won't. And if you live your life thinking that way, than you're no better than the people who excluded you in school.

stlgy90 2 years ago

Hey dawei888 ,

It's stlgy90 writing again. Thought that I would check back and see how it's going for you. Hope all is well with you. I have my 20 year high school reunion this year ! Yes, 20 years now...lol. I am DEFINITELY going to it ! I will say one thing about my high school at least (can only speak for my school), I have been keeping touch with alot of old high school friends on good old Facebook and as I reconnect with all of my old high school classmates, I noticed an interesting behavior pattern...all of MY "friends" on it were people that were not in the "popular cliques", just like myself. All of them (and I mean ALL) of them (about 120+) have done well for themselves in life after high school, be it career, family, etc. Also, the vast majority of them do NOT live in the small town that we all grew up in either.

Having spoken with the few who are still in the town I grew up in, they have told me that the same "popular" people from our class all (yes, ALL) still live in that small town and they still "act" like they are in high school (even at the age of 38...lol). As you once wrote above, they now try to use "facebook" to try to hold on to that "clique" of theirs in their high school days. In fact, the only people in their "friends" lists are the others who were in their clique in HS.

I have also spoken with many other friends who graduated in other years from my HS and they have also seen the same behavior pattern and for my high school, what I notice is the following (again, for MY high school):

1. The children who were not in any cliques have all done well in life after HS as they matured. Be it in their jobs, love, etc. They are all very happy with their lives and where they are at. In fact, one girl was commenting how it seems like the girls and guy who in high school looked "plain" or on the "nerdy" or "dorky" side (like I was myself in HS), all look great now and are very confident and outgoing adults in life that have achieved success.

2. Among the "popular cliques", the one whose parents were not very involved with their children's academics in HS, well, many of those people all turned out "not so successful" in life and seem very unhappy with themselves and tend to drink in excess on weekends at the many bars in my old hometown and they still hang out with their old cliques and no other new networks of friends outside of that.

3. Among the popular kids whose parents were actively involved in their childrens' educations, those people achieved good success and actually "matured" in life and have networks of friends that are from all different HS clique backgrounds.

I think in my school's case, parent's involvement made a great impact in the lives of their children.

I can tell you that I am very proud to have never been in a clique ever and I used to get beat up and picked on alot when I was in grade school, junior high, and early part of high school. But, today, I am very highly educated professional that lives and works in the NYC metro region now and am a very physically fit person as well. I look forward to going to my 20 year reunion this year ! My advice to the kids who are now going through what I went through 20+ years ago...."Karma" always comes back !

here 2 years ago

hello I'm a HS freshman. I think this article is the best one that I've ever read about those stupid cliques articles about how to be ACCEPTED in a certain crowd. This article is soo cool! Thanks for sharing and encourage me!

Mom 2 years ago

Thank you for posting this. I was not popular, neither was my husband. I don't think we had the same understanding or support from our parents that we now need to give to our son(s). My oldest is in sixth grade, and your post is dead on the money. I'm thankful to have the chance to share it with him when he gets home. I think he'll like reading through all of the comments, too. ;)

Jeanne 16 months ago

Unfortunately my daughter is going through this now and as her mother, I am heartbroken. She had a small group of friends that are part of her sports team. Hung out at meets together and had sleepovers. Well she has been dumped Including the so called "best fried". They don't call or text anymore and she is not included socially. She still has 2-1/2 years of high school left and stories about how it will be better later are too helpful now. She has no idea why this has happened. Please Help!!!

redrobin 16 months ago

i see your point but its not as easy, as you appear to think. i sttruggled to get in to my clique for 2 1/2 years and have finally been accepted into one, my friends are not the in crowd, but more or less middle class schoolers and, although it caused me alot of fustration over not being accepted, it made me more aware of myself and the people around me and it gave me a strong personality and i think all you really need to do is not give up because when you give up you are showing them that you also think your not good enough to join their group. sorry if this offends your beliefs on the matter but i thought it best to offer another view.

Defy the Social Order 9 months ago

I love how you mocked high school musical. Most people have a misconteption that the high school musical is all about resisting the status Quo. This is a guise. It's all about conformity. Cliques (like political systems) are evidence for humanities fallibility as there will always be inequality. (If any politician promises a "Utopian Universe" imma tell you right now it's a lie. The evidence is the existance or need to segregate our society. It was evident during the 1950s of America (i.e., racial discrimination) and has mutated into something else. Namely, segregation of the freaks (if you do not possess the idealistic identity of a stereotype off of the media than you are marginalized. It's the Marxist cycle in motion; a class struggle.)